In this video Kathy discusses how people from different backgrounds can still have a strong relationship by recognising each others strengths and focusing on those.
HOW TO KEEP RELATIONSHIPS STRONG – Transcript
Interviewer: What is love and what to do when the rainbows and butterflies of romance fade away?
I’m back with Kathy McKenzie from FireUp Coaching, and… Kathy, you are a newlywed, I’m a newlywed, I am hoping you’ve got a little more life experiences than me when it comes to relationships.
How do we keep them strong?
Kathy: Well, it’s… one thing I am actually grateful, that I have learned over many years of working with people on how to develop and keep their relationships strong.
And I have a bit of advantage and I probably have no excuses in my own relationship for not knowing this.
And look, one of the important things is that when we first meet someone and we’re drawn to them, we actually don’t often notice that we fall in love because we kind of see a reflection of ourselves.
So it’s things that we, you know, “I love you cause you love me, we like the same sort of things”.
But we are all very different and the important part of keeping your relationship strong is to know how to focus on the strength that you both bring to the relationship over time rather than the differences.
Those little differences you don’t notice when you first meet someone, start to play out more as you go through a relationship.
Interview: That’s so true, and we’re all so different. I’m so different from my husband and I am sure you’re so different from yours. How do we focus on these strengths?
Kathy: Look it’s a funny thing and John knows that I use our profiles.
We actually have done our brain profiles believe it or not. And what all there is, is a profile that looks at whether you’re more left or right, right? Obviously, we’ve both got our whole brains and we bring our whole brains into our relationship.
But we have a tendency to develop strengths in particular ways of thinking, and so there are preferences. Now, just because we have preferences though doesn’t mean that they’re set in concrete.
So for instance I’m pretty free-thinking, I am an entrepreneur, I love freedom and I’m very intuitive and sensitive to feelings.
Interviewer: So what side of the brain is that coming from?
Kathy: That’s much more right brain.
Interviewer: I think that’s your own setting and I’m pretty sure my husband is…
Kathy: Well, let me tell you about my husband. My husband brings that wonderful side of structure and organization and he’s really neat and plans well and is on time. So we balance each other out.
The important thing that helps to keep a relationship strong is not to expect the person to become you and do like you want them to do, or do like you would do. What you need to recognize is how you can adapt your own behavior and accept what’s important to them, appreciate it.
For me, being on time is not… I don’t really have such a huge value around that, but I know that that shows respect in my relationship, so I make sure that I get my act together and get home on time.
Interviewer: Yeah, it’s really valuing what the other person values.
And to recognize that sometimes we concentrate on the little things and to really have the self-awareness not to sweat the small stuff; not to pick on those things; that at the end of the day, do they really matter?
And it’s very interesting when I’m coaching people hearing the kinds of issues that escalates.
“So good communication, letting the small things go through to the keeper, that’s what keeps a relationship strong.”